you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
