sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
