she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
