I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
