So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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