if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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