no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
