So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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