By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize