We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize