She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
