i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
