omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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