so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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