He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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