yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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