she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
