He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
