SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
