Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
