dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
zippers are such a cool invention
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
