Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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