His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
