it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
