I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
