I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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