Im at strip club and am horny
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Randomize
