pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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