Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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