I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
