no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
