she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
