We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize