Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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