If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
