She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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