She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize