8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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