I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
