is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize