Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
