no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
