The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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