We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
