I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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