I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
