How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
