"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
