The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I would fuck him just for his dog
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
