the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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