Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
