Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
