we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
