I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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