2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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