is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
