when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize