I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
