I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
