FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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