There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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