fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You are the jesus of drinking
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
