Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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